Many guys swear by a particular underwear brand. They find a pair that works well for them, and they stick with it. After all, why change a good thing? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
And yet, after a while, you may get bored with what you’re wearing and want to branch out to something new. Despite this inclination, when it comes to underwear, there’s always the worry that trying something new is going to result in some much-dreaded genital discomfort. Your favorite brand cradles everything the way you like it, and a new brand might be too tight of a casing for your sausage or not have enough skillet for your potatoes.
As always, BlakeWrites wants to help. I’ve tried out four different underwear brands– all at different price points– and am here to give you the inside scoop so that you don’t feel like your insides are being scooped out.
Andrew Christian CoolFlex BriefsAh, yes, Andrew Christian, the go-to choice of underwear for go-go boys and a large portion of the gay community. The Andrew Christian brand is built upon sex appeal. In some countries, I’m pretty sure you have to be twenty one just to view their website. Rock hard abs and wiggly bulges abound with Andrew Christian, and you can’t help but feel sexy when putting them on. Most of their underwear comes with a neat pouch up front to store your goodies, too.
While they feel undeniably sexy, I can’t say they’re undeniably comfortable. Based upon the Andrew Christian sizing chart, I’m a medium, but they just don’t seem to fit quite right. One of the seams for the front pouch feels like it comes up too high. Rather than gently cradling me in the right places, they dig into the wrong places. When wearing them, I feel like they don’t move with my body well, especially when I go from sitting to standing. As a result, I’m often trying to subtly adjust myself or hide embarrassing bulges that are clearly visible through my clothing when things get moved to the wrong place.
~$20+ per pair
Your ass will look perkier and your bulge will definitely be enhanced when wearing Andrew Christian.
Uncomfortable taint seams and penile displacement
Tommy Hilfiger Men’s 4-Pack Cotton BriefsI’ll start by confessing that I didn’t want to buy these. The packaging made them look like they’d be embarrassing, grandpa-style tighty whities, but I was visiting my parents and had forgotten to bring clean underwear with me. As my parents live out in the country, my choices were limited, and it was either these or Spongebob Squarepants-themed boxers from Walmart.
I chose these.
And… I was pleasantly surprised. In fact, I’m wearing these right now as I write this article. These briefs are soft, don’t come up too high on the hip, and look great. I thought they’d be frumpy, but I actually feel pretty sexy in them. And since they come in staple colors (this particular pack had black, white, red, and navy), they’re versatile and go with basically any outfit. They’re breathable and don’t hold onto sweat too much, and I haven’t had any issues with them bunching up or constricting the bits that matter.
The main downside to these, for me, is that they’re a bit too loose in the back. They’re not blousy or saggy, but I think they’d benefit from just a bit more elastane and a slightly higher hip cut. It wouldn’t be bad if I had a bubble butt, but alas, I haven’t done enough squats today to make that happen. I’m built more like Wendy Williams than Nicki. But, enough about my butt. Back to these briefs: They’re not necessarily “sexy” briefs, but they’re comfortable, attractive, and functional.
4 pairs for ~$20
Comfort, comfort, comfort.
Could use a bit more form fittedness in the booty
Diesel Men’s Blade Cotton Stretch BriefsDiesel is one of those brands that typically straddles the line between being sexy and being functional. They definitely make some damn stylish underwear that’s perfect for date nights or adult sleepovers, but it’s not so overtly sensual that it gets into the territory of being bawdy.
Diesel uses clean lines and low rise cuts to create very sporty looks in general, and their basic briefs are no exception. When I wear them, I feel like I had a past life in which I played either lacrosse or baseball, and went by the name Chad. They make me want to call people bro unironically. While I say this in jest, I don’t say this as a bad thing about Diesel underwear. They definitely have a very traditionally masculine look to them.
For me, the main downside once again comes back to the way they fit. Based upon their size chart, I’m a medium, but they just don’t have enough room. They fit perfectly around the waist and rump, but lack storage space in the front. The front porch comes right up to the street, you know? No room for a yard or trees.
As a result, it’s a similar situation to the Andrew Christians. Standing up, they’re not bad. But, when going from sitting to standing and back again, it feels like I’m performing some form of genital origami. Things that shouldn’t get bent in half get bent in half. Additionally, the skillet is too small for my potatoes, and there’s a bit of a gap between the seam and my thigh, allowing for some periodic stray scrote action.
3 Pairs for ~$30
Sporty, handsome underwear that makes my butt look great
Need more stretch and space in the crotch.
Hanes X-Temp Low Rise Sport BriefHanes is an established figure in the underwear industry. It’s the everyman’s underwear: affordable, comfortable, and decently long lasting. They’re easy to come by in department stores, and don’t break the bank.
Wearing them, I really don’t have any problems to point out. They’re just a basic underwear. They do their job, don’t feel uncomfortable, and come in a pack that would allow me to wear a new pair everyday of the week before doing laundry.
While I have no complaints, I also don’t have any particularly strong compliments. They’re not particularly sexy, not so comfortable that I’d make them my go-to undies, and the fit is just okay. They’re not saggy, but they’re also not very form fitting.
8 Pairs for ~$20
They’re comfortable and sensible.
They’re really basic– nothing too exciting.
Tommy Hilfiger takes the cake for best serving my cakes this round! I'm a fan of these undies, and would definitely recommend. Of all the ones I tried for this haul, they did the best job of balancing fashion, comfort, and affordability.
Inclusive. Expressive. Free Spirited.
Men's fashion is all this and more with BlakeWrites.